What Goes Unsaid (But Shouldn't)

Last week, I had two conversations about how hard it is for many people to say what needs to be said.

The first conversation was with someone reflecting on a recent professional disappointment.

The outcome wasn't unexpected, but the way it was handled was.

Instead of hearing difficult news directly from the leader they knew and trusted, the conversation was delegated to someone else. That person lacked the relationship and context to navigate it well. The discussion became so indirect that the disappointed individual finally had to say out loud what was happening.

There were really two leadership misses. One was how the conversation was handled. The bigger one was asking someone without an established relationship to deliver news that should have come from the leader who had built the trust.

The second conversation happened over dinner. One friend had been asked to provide feedback about several managers through an internal performance review process.

She looked around the table and asked a simple question: "Should I be honest?"

She worried about hurting feelings, being seen as critical of leadership, or having her comments traced back to her.

Another friend, an HR leader, acknowledged her concerns and encouraged her to tell the truth with professionalism and care.

From there, the conversation shifted. Around the table, we started sharing the phrases we each reach for when we need to have a difficult conversation: "Help me understand…," "I'm curious…," "Can you tell me more about…," and "Could I share an observation?"

Leadership isn't just about making difficult decisions. It's about being willing to own the conversations that come with them.

Because when we avoid hard conversations, they don't disappear. They simply show up somewhere else: in confusion, resentment, disengagement, unaddressed behaviors, or top performers quietly losing motivation.

At first glance, these conversations seem unrelated. One is about delivering difficult news. The other is about speaking difficult truths. But they're really about the same thing: creating the kind of culture where people know where they stand because honest communication is expected, supported, and safe.

Brain Food

A coaching client recommended Radical Candor to me, and I'm glad she did. Kim Scott's framework challenges us to communicate with courage and compassion by balancing concepts she calls “care personally” with “challenge directly.” She contrasts that ideal with three less effective styles: ruinous empathy, obnoxious aggression, and manipulative insincerity. If you want to become a clearer, more confident communicator – especially when the topic is difficult – this book offers practical insights.

In the Spotlight

Leadership Workshops

We all face conversations we'd rather avoid, whether it's giving candid feedback, navigating conflict, addressing performance concerns, or communicating difficult decisions. I developed the CLEAR Communication Framework to provide a practical, memorable roadmap for approaching those moments with confidence, clarity, and compassion. If your organization could benefit from clearer communication, let's connect. 

Real Talk 

Here's another habit worth protecting: reading. The Atlantic's latest cover story reports that 51% of American adults didn't read a single book last year. Reading invites us to slow down, think deeply, and see the world through someone else's eyes — qualities that make us better leaders, communicators, and humans. So here's your gentle invitation to pick up a book and share one that's made an impact on you over the last year. 

The Truth About Clear Communication

The conversations we avoid are often the ones we most need to have.

What's a difficult conversation someone had with you that you're grateful they didn't avoid? Hit reply and tell me about it. I'd love to hear the conversations that made a lasting difference, and with your permission, I may share a few in a future newsletter.

Until then, remember I'm always in your corner. 💪